Of Mice and Me

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Mice.

They have their place and I have mine. And never the twain should meet.

In theory.

The truth is, over the years, mice and I have had a relationship of sorts. And not a happy one. This discord is all due to the mice, of course, and their insistence on invading my space.

The problems began when we moved with our young family to an old country home. I hadn’t had any experience with mice before that so it was distressing to have these visitors arrive in my home uninvited and expecting to stay! They acted like the place belonged to them. The nerve!

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A particular barn cat liked to bring her mice to the front door and lay them out for us to ooh and ah over. Often, if we didn’t get there soon enough to praise her, we would just find the remains of what had become a good lunch. This was a slightly disturbing occurrence that I got used to. After all, those mice were outside, not invading my space, and … well … dead.

Of the many memorable mouse moments from that time in the country, the following one stands out:

It is night – almost my bedtime. As usual, the Cowboy is away from home for work so I am on my own.

Sweetie, Peaches and Babe have been put to bed and I am in the dimly lit kitchen doing last minute puttering before heading to my own bed. Out of the corner of my eye I see movement.

There, scurrying along the wall is a tiny fuzzy creature. I jump onto the nearest chair and scream into my hands (so as not to wake the sleeping children, of course).

Before I’m done screaming the critter has scooted into the old fashioned heating vent and disappeared.

I gather my wits and do the only thing I can think of doing.

I build a barricade – in the doorway between the kitchen and the rest of the house. (This was long before I knew mice could climb and jump. Yes. Yes they can.)

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When the Cowboy comes home on the weekend, I am leaving for a conference. I tell him that by the time I arrive home at the end of the weekend I need every last mouse gone from the house, please.

Sure enough, they are. Not only are they all gone, every crack and cranny around the outside of the house has been filled with insulating foam sealant.

 

(That’s the thing about cowboys. They will do everything in their power to protect their women.)

 

Several years later we moved to the city. But, just like the children’s book says, there are city mice too. And they liked to visit the cupboard under my kitchen sink, and run around under the stove.

Babe’s cat liked to play with them.

The door to Babe’s room faces the basement stairs. One day as she came out of her room she saw a mouse fly through the air across the opening to the stairs down below. She screamed, “Mom!” and I came running.

Turns out, the cat was playing. Only he didn’t know the mouse wasn’t playing back. He was chasing the critter, tossing it into the air, waiting for it to land and start running away so he could chase it again.

By the time we got there, the little creature was exhausted and barely moving. The cat was visibly disappointed with his playmate, and quickly losing interest.

I grabbed a nearby bucket to trap the thing under before he got his second (or third or fourth) wind. But my timing was off, and I caught him half in and half out. There he lay, body under the bucket and head out, with the rim cutting across his throat, looking me dead in the eye (no pun intended).

A thought scrabbled its away across my mind … I strangled a mouse today

I didn’t mean to. It just happened. But I was glad he wasn’t running around my feet.

After that incident, and the one when I accidentally poured a drowned mouse down the garbage disposal, the Cowboy and a helpful son-in-law went around the outside of the house and meticulously foamed in all the cracks they could find.

We had no mice in the house for a long time.

Then … we renovated the sunroom.

Somewhere a new mouse doorway has been opened up. Because suddenly, one of the squeakers dashes across my path in the kitchen.

In plain view!

I’ll admit he must be as startled as I am because he’s having trouble scrambling in a straight line.

The Cowboy takes care of things quickly and efficiently after receiving the PLEASE COME HOME NOW! text. And he promises to seal off any new openings.

A couple of weeks later I hear unusual noises coming from under my stove. To be on the safe side, I lay 3 large sticky traps end to end in front of the stove.

In the evening I turn off the TV when I hear it again.

“Do you hear that?” I ask the Cowboy.

“It’s the fridge,” says he.

“It’s NOT the fridge,” say I.

The next morning, there are two tiny legs sticking out from under the stove. The Cowboy pulls the sticky trap into full view to unveil a stuck mouse, and glued right next to him … a toy car.

IMG_3947Which makes me wonder … was he playing with that toy? Was he giving it a push, there in the safety of the under-the-stove and racing to see who got to the other side first? Was he actually entertaining himself? I suppose only God can know the mind of a mouse.

However, I have learned other things about mice I never would have known had I not experienced these disturbing episodes in my life. That’s the thing about annoying, disturbing, difficult life occurrences. You learn. And then you can pass on the knowledge, wisdom and experience to others going through the same ordeal.

If you want to know if you have a mouse problem, invite me to your house. I know the sights, smells, and sounds to look for. I know how high to build your barricades. I know the most effective traps to use. I know how tiny a crack they can fit through. I know their favourite toys now. And, I can identify mouse innards, just in case you’re preparing for a biology exam.

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They may be cute and furry but they don’t belong in my space. They’re messy disease carrying rodents. They have no business in my cupboards, on my countertops, or under my stove playing with toys that don’t belong to them.

That’s why, until the foam sealant gets applied, I have 3 traps on the floor in front of my stove and no fewer than 7 under my sink. Because I believe the best defence is a good offence.

Don’t get me started on moths.

Secret Places in My Hat

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It pains me to admit it here in this semi-public forum but … I am not as put together as I look. (It occurs to me that I may not even look all that put together, but that’s a topic for another time)

I have been known to occasionally let my imagination run a little wild, often in instances when complete calm and level-headedness is better required.

I chock it all up to the fact that I’m a writer. I have been making up stories in my head since I was old enough to know I was making up stories in my head. My imagination is a wonderfully fantastical place and I’m quite entertaining to myself … usually.

Sometimes, however, it’s best not to let that imagination … OUT.
It only confuses my family and friends.
And is exhausting for me.

Case in point #1:
I drive Babe to her University classes. Because of an incident the day before, she has a possible concussion and shouldn’t drive. I drop her off and decide to do some errands and get groceries while she attends class. Then on my way home, I will pick her up and take her to her job.

I arrive in the designated pick-up spot early. When she is done at 12:50 there will be just enough time to get her to her job by 1 o’clock.

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I wait.
And wait.

It’s not like her to be late for work.
I text her: Everything ok?
No answer.
More minutes tick by. Maybe the prof went overtime.
OR
Maybe she is waiting for me at a different pick-up spot.
That must be it.
I text: I’m at the little pick-up spot where I dropped you off.
Nothing.

It is now past 1 o’clock.
She would never be late for work.
Where could she be? Did class finish early and somebody else take her to work?
Surely she would have texted me. But lately her phone has been crashing for no reason. Maybe she can’t text me.
OR
Maybe she can’t text me because she got dizzy and passed out!

She passed out because of that concussion.

And had to be taken to hospital.

And nobody got ahold of me.

Why wouldn’t they let me know?
boy-entering-classroom-300x200Wait!

How do I know she even showed up to class this morning? I dropped her off but I didn’t watch her go through the door like I did when she was 5. I just assumed she was okay.

That crazy concussion!

She got disoriented when I dropped her off and now she is out wandering somewhere and she doesn’t know where she is!

And some lowlife took advantage of the situation and snatched her up and now we will never find her!

SHE’S A MISSING PERSON!!

I take a deep breath.
Get it together, woman.

I park the car. Go to the administration office.
No answers. Because of privacy laws they can’t even tell me whether or not she is a student there.

I resist the urge to barrel down the halls like a mad gorilla, screaming her name.

 

Mad-Gorilla
Agitated, I white-knuckle it home. Someone may have left a message on the landline.

No messages on the home phone.
But suddenly there is a text: I’m in class. I work at 2.

 

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Case in point #2:

3363343283_8008f1db2bThe Cowboy and I are on our cruise vacation. We are getting ready to leave our cabin for the day, for a shore excursion.
But I can’t find the cash.

I have checked the safe. Twice.
The contents of my bag have been dumped on the bed. Books and papers are scattered all over the desk.
I am going through closets and drawers, checking pockets of clothing we haven’t even worn yet.

The Cowboy is annoyingly calm.
When did you last see it?

IMG_3149I had it with me yesterday when we came home from the beach.
I go through the papers on the desk again.
I thought I put it right here …

Suddenly it hits me.

They are siphoning money off us!!

Siphoning mo … who is?

Them! The stewards who clean our room. Little by little they are taking money and they think we will never notice.

What? Why would they do that?

I leave him to ponder answers to that question because I am remembering … my hat. The one Mr. Cowboy calls my “nerd hat”.

Oh. Now I remember. It’s in here.

I grab it off the hook on the wall and check.
Sure enough, there is the money tucked safely and serenely in that secret place in my hat.

The Cowboy looks absolutely astonished.
Are you kidding me? Only you would have a secret compartment in your hat!

He belly-laughs all the way off the ship.
************
This week the Cowboy & I attended a play based on a tragic story in Canadian history: the massacre of the Donnelly family by their neighbours and community.

Vigilantes.

As we leave the theatre I’m feeling vengeful. That poor family!
I comment,
It’s a shame those Donnelly’s didn’t know anything about poison. They could have snuck poison into all of their neighbours’ drinking water. Then all of THEM would have died and none of this would have happened.

I look up into the Cowboy’s horrified face, and see him mentally calculating the last time I offered him a glass of water.

Yeah … sometimes my imagination is best kept in the secret places of my hat.

 

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PHOTO CREDITS

Top Hat
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/30515687@N05/4359966258″>Benjamin Harrison-Reid Portrait Top Hat, 1892</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/commons/usage/”>(license)</a>
Watch
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/51942038@N04/7657917478″>Fossil Nissan Watch Black Square Face</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>

Child entering school
photocredit: http://www.parentscanada.com/school/how-to-choose-the-right-school-for-your-child
Mad Gorilla
<a href=”http://s293.photobucket.com/user/alyk11_2008/media/Mad-Gorilla.jpg.html” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm46/alyk11_2008/Mad-Gorilla.jpg” border=”0″ alt=” photo Mad-Gorilla.jpg”/></a>
alyk11_2008’s photo on Photobucket
Lego head
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/20436015@N00/3741330170″>lego_head-embarassed</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a>
Cruise ship
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/71365354@N00/3363343283″>St. George’s-Grenada (4)</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>

On a Morning Ride

I am up early today – only because I have an early morning appointment with my trainer. But when she texts that she is too ill to be there I decide to go for a bike ride.

I love my bike – a gift for my birthday last year. We bought it in a unique shop called Lifa, in the quaintest of quaint little towns on Lake Winnipeg while we were visiting Sweetie, The Lion, and dear Little Man.

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It is an aqua, new-fangled, old-fashioned style Electra Super Deluxe Cruiser with whitewalls and wicker saddle bags. It also boasts a chic bicycle bell on the handlebar that goes BING-BONG like a doorbell.

I start my ride while the cats are still prowling and ride for 20 minutes before the first of the dog-walkers appears.

A half-ton backs out of his drive and turns in my direction. I pull further over to the side of the street as I think that the bright sun behind me is blinding in his eyes and, mixed with early morning grogginess, he might not see me.

That would be a tragic and painful end to this lovely morning ride.

And it is a lovely ride. I breathe in the fresh air and feel benevolent to all mankind.

I take time to look around me. (I try looking above me to watch the sky but I’m not that gifted with balance)

Oh! That pink and white mixture of petunias is pretty, trailing out of those pots. I might try that combination next year.

I drive down paved and non-paved alleys and find myself wondering who decides when the pavement in the alley ends? And why?

Nearing the end of my ride, I finally see people. A couple sits on the front steps in T-shirt and bathrobe, coffee cups in hand. A few doors down, an older man moseys down the driveway looking rumpled and dreamy, and carrying a pail of water for his annuals.

I turn down my alley which, as it happens, is not paved. But I like it that way. And I love the predictability of Ace, the neighbour’s dog, who barks at me through her fence.

IMG_3777I see home and our mature backyard checkering through the dark fence as I ride by. The oak tree stands guard near the gate while the russian olive’s branches whisper over the fence. I glance at the tallest tree in the yard – the kindergarten tree. People who have lived here since the birth of the neighbourhood tell me that one day over thirty years ago, all the kindergarten kids came home with tiny evergreen saplings. And so, everyone has an evergreen somewhere in their yard.

What a nice place, I say to myself.
Cozy. Homey. So thankful for my lovely home and for the job provided to The Cowboy, enabling us to enjoy our comfortable home.

For a while now I’ve been wondering if I am no longer a morning person. Lately my mind and my energy have been revving up in the late afternoon and at bedtime.

I used to write best in the mornings.

But I’m reminded why I love early mornings.
It’s the quiet. The air. The tranquility. The freedom. The ideas. The words …

The words.

I put my bike in the garage.

In the house I look at the clock, surprised to see that I rode for over an hour. I grab a glass of water and sit down at the table. Open my laptop.

And the words flow.

Right Out the Window

Know your audience.

That’s what almost every writing coach or speaking mentor will tell you. If you want to get your message across with the biggest punch, you need to understand who will be receiving that message, and deliver it accordingly.

When Sweetie and Peaches were ages 5 and 3, I wanted them to grasp how important it was to wear seat belts the whole time they were riding in a car. This was back in the day when kids were out of infant car seats by the time they were 2. The next step was a booster seat, which was basically a raised platform to sit on where the child was held in place by the vehicle’s lap-belt/shoulder-strap combination. It was often uncomfortable.

So one day after I had buckled them into the back seat and before I had started the car, I told them a story that had been in the news that week. I thought it was relevant and timely.

I want to tell you about a little boy your age. He was riding in the back seat of his Mommy’s car. He wasn’t wearing his seat belt. Then, his Mommy couldn’t help it but, the car she was driving crashed and the little boy … he wasn’t wearing his seat belt and he flew right out the window.

Three-year-old Peaches was completely spellbound. Her eyes grew bigger when I mentioned the crash. At the end of the story, her little mouth opened in awe and her eyes grew as big as they could get. She turned to look at the window and then turned back to me.

In wonder she said, “He could fly?”

That’s when I knew my message had gone over her head and right out the window.